Since my last post was about asking for advice, and appropriate responses, I figured I could share a little of my own advice on things I have personally learned. It's no secret that this is my first pregnancy, and I'm not very far along in it, so even though my knowledge is limited, and I will have more to share as I go, I still have some gems I would like to share.
It doesn't mean you're a weak basket case, if you need reassurance sometimes.
I don't want it to sound like I am a never ending worrier, even though I talk about my anxiety issues, it doesn't mean I'm not happy. Especially now that I'm into my second tri, about 90% of the time I feel happy, secure, stable, and at peace. The other 10% is that insecurity that makes me into an emotional mess. For almost two years I was seeing negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, after a while this insecurity from hell sets in, it tells you that you are a failure, and this will never happen for you. I still have some issues with that stupid insecurity sometimes, that tells me, there has to be something wrong, this can't be real.
I'm sure this isn't the case for everyone, but whatever it is that has you feeling insecure, it's okay. What I have had to learn is, there's nothing wrong, or unhealthy with a little anxiety sometimes. That is, as long as you handle it in a healthy way. A few ways I have found to handle this is to say something to my husband, or my mom. They always know what to say to make me feel peaceful again. Sometimes it's as simple as; "Kate, I know that there is nothing wrong." Even though I could have told myself that, and I know it's true, but sometimes I just need to hear it from other people. If that doesn't do it for you, I also know there are about two million websites dedicated to expecting mothers. They are an amazing support system. There are forums that connect you with women all over the world, that may know exactly how you're feeling, and can tell you how they dealt with it, or there are mommies-to-be that are willing to be a listening ear. Of course, if those options just aren't right for you, never hesitate to call your doctor. He is your ally, and he always knows the right answer.
If somethings not right, somethings not right.
I think this one is pretty plain and simple. I have noticed that, ever since becoming pregnant, I am FAR more in tune with my body. I'm one of those women who knew from conception that I was pregnant, just by what my body was telling me. I feel like a super hero with this new sixth sense that I never had before. I notice every little thing that is going on with my body, and most of the time, I'm able to just say, oh I know whats going on, everything is fine. This is something that's an important part of being a mom, if something is not right with you, or your baby, you just know. That means if you're having what seems like a harmless gas pain, but it just doesn't feel right, don't ignore it. Call you're doctor. It might be a nothing pain that you have just never felt before, it doesn't matter, if it worries you, then check with a doctor. He can either reassure you, or tell you what to do, in the case it's something to be concerned about. Never let anyone try to convince you it's fine. If it doesn't feel right, do what you need to do to fix the problem.
Pregnancy is not as fragile, or as scary as they make you think it is.
You read all the time about miscarriages, or fetal deaths. While it is a tragic, and sadly normal thing, it's not imminent. For the first few weeks of my pregnancy I was so confused by the messages you get from reading books, articles, or google. They make it sound like every woman will have several miscarriages and it's just totally normal. They say doing too much is dangerous and not doing enough is dangerous. I was absolutely amazed at how ANYONE had babies after reading those materials, they made it sound so hard to keep a pregnancy. I have discovered it's all pretty much crap. Again, I understand that it does happen all the time, and while it's absolutely tragic, and my heart goes out to those who have lost a baby, I have found that majority of the time, the pregnancy loss had absolutely NOTHING to do with the mother. It is usually a problem with genetics, sometimes the materials to make a baby don't do their job right, or something might be missing. Which means if the baby had gone full term, it might not have made it very far past birth. Our bodies are designed to release those babies early on, so there is less pain for the child.
So ladies, feel safe in the fact, that as long as you are taking care of yourself, following doctors orders, and doing what is best for your baby, you stand a very good chance of having a perfect pregnancy and a healthy baby. All of those resources are just trying to prepare you for the absolute worst case scenario, and informing you on some things that are unwise to participate in while expecting. Any mother who have lost a baby, find comfort in knowing it wasn't your fault. If Miscarriage keeps happening, it means your body needs some help, and I'm certain that your doctor will know how to help, to give you that precious baby you are dreaming of.
Low down on food.
If anyone really knows me, they know I absolutely love food. It has been difficult for me to get used to this new pregnancy diet. Some of my favorite foods are forbidden, like; cookie dough, sushi, soft cheeses, cold lunch meat, and lots and lots of seafood. I have become a google addict when it comes to what I can and can't eat. Here is my advice, read about the things that are considered "forbidden" then ask your doctor about them. There are some ways to stay healthy and satisfy those cravings. Certain seafoods are better than others, and in moderation are perfectly safe, drink the pasteurized egg nog rather than home made, order sushi that is fully cooked with shrimp or crab meat wrapped in soy paper rather than the raw tuna wrapped in seaweed. There are also lots of alternatives that might be different, but are equally as satisfying. Make sure to always have snacks on hand, and always eat a little before taking your prenatal, and after, I have found that if your vitamins make you nauseous (like me) that eating before and after taking it helps very much.
So far, this is the extent of my newly learned, and worth sharing knowledge. Hope you enjoyed.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Rules About Advice
Okay, now that I have told you about myself, and set the mood for the blog a little. Here is my first rant:
It's not a secret to me, or anyone else, that I'm a bit of a crazed pregnant woman. I tend to get a little frantic sometimes, and I often call my mother, or post on Facebook, or maybe ask a random stranger for some advice on a subject. (After I have googled it, of course.) After having several different answers to pleas for advice, here are my rules on giving advice to expectant mothers. These rules also go for posting an answer to a question online.
Helpful answers to advice:
◊Someone I know had that same thing, it was just (blah blah) it's nothing to worry about.
◊Oh, someone I know had this, it's a good idea for you to call your doctor.
◊ Huh, I've never heard of that, if you're worried, call your doctor.
◊ That's pretty common in pregnancy, don't worry about it.
Now here are things that you should NEVER EVER say to a pregnant woman when she asks for advice:
♦Oh yeah, I know Soandso who had that, and it was no big deal, but I did hear about this ONE lady who had it and her toes fell off and her heart exploded and the baby died! (If it's probably nothing to worry about, don't tell me about the one case something bad happened.)
♦Uh oh! You're having that symptom, that's so bad, you need to go to the emergency room RIGHT NOW! (It's never okay to put a mother in panic. There are gentle ways to express danger.)
♦Huh, I don't know anything about your current ailment, but I do know this one woman who had this different ailment and her baby was born with one leg and a cleft palate!(I don't want to know your horror stories, they give me anxiety)
Here are just some things you should never say to a pregnant woman PERIOD:
♥Your terrible acne means its a (insert gender here)
♥Are you constipated, or do you have hemorrhoids yet?
♥Wow, you must be having twins!
♥Oh I heard that you aren't supposed to eat meat, smell flowers, look at honey, think about seafood, or have dreams about salad, because it can cause miscarriage or horrible birth defects!
♥How is your sex life now that you're getting bigger?
♥MY husband would rub my feet, my back, buy me candy bars, and sing me sonatas everyday. That's what all GOOD men should do for their pregnant wives.
♥I can't believe you would carry that heavy purse now that you're pregnant, you could have a miscarriage!
♥ I lost my baby at 39 weeks, it can happen to anybody!
♥My sisters uncles cousins dogs grandmother died during labor, it can happen to anyone.
♥My neighbors brothers sisters step-niece had a still born, it can happen to anyone.
♥You should make sure to request all of these expensive tests your insurance doesn't cover because your baby might have tourettes!
♥I read that 2% of women who are four weeks pass due for delivery die.
I'm sure I could go on forever with examples of things people say to me that makes me want to slap them in the head. To make it more simple, here are 5 very clear rules on what kind of things not to say to a pregnant woman.
1. Don't scare us with pointless horror stories.
2. Don't use stupid statistics that don't apply to us, but still scare the crap out of us.
3. Don't EVER talk about defects, genetic disorders, miscarriage, still borns, or any kind of fetal or child death or danger.
4. Be sensitive to the fact that our bodies are ballooning out of control and that there is enough grease on our faces to fry bacon, we are sensitive about it.
5.If you upset the overly sensitive us without intention, don't keep pushing, just apologize, and maybe rephrase the statement, but don't continue talking about the matter, because it will probably continue to upset us.
Thanks for tuning in.
It's not a secret to me, or anyone else, that I'm a bit of a crazed pregnant woman. I tend to get a little frantic sometimes, and I often call my mother, or post on Facebook, or maybe ask a random stranger for some advice on a subject. (After I have googled it, of course.) After having several different answers to pleas for advice, here are my rules on giving advice to expectant mothers. These rules also go for posting an answer to a question online.
Helpful answers to advice:
◊Someone I know had that same thing, it was just (blah blah) it's nothing to worry about.
◊Oh, someone I know had this, it's a good idea for you to call your doctor.
◊ Huh, I've never heard of that, if you're worried, call your doctor.
◊ That's pretty common in pregnancy, don't worry about it.
Now here are things that you should NEVER EVER say to a pregnant woman when she asks for advice:
♦Oh yeah, I know Soandso who had that, and it was no big deal, but I did hear about this ONE lady who had it and her toes fell off and her heart exploded and the baby died! (If it's probably nothing to worry about, don't tell me about the one case something bad happened.)
♦Uh oh! You're having that symptom, that's so bad, you need to go to the emergency room RIGHT NOW! (It's never okay to put a mother in panic. There are gentle ways to express danger.)
♦Huh, I don't know anything about your current ailment, but I do know this one woman who had this different ailment and her baby was born with one leg and a cleft palate!(I don't want to know your horror stories, they give me anxiety)
Here are just some things you should never say to a pregnant woman PERIOD:
♥Your terrible acne means its a (insert gender here)
♥Are you constipated, or do you have hemorrhoids yet?
♥Wow, you must be having twins!
♥Oh I heard that you aren't supposed to eat meat, smell flowers, look at honey, think about seafood, or have dreams about salad, because it can cause miscarriage or horrible birth defects!
♥How is your sex life now that you're getting bigger?
♥MY husband would rub my feet, my back, buy me candy bars, and sing me sonatas everyday. That's what all GOOD men should do for their pregnant wives.
♥I can't believe you would carry that heavy purse now that you're pregnant, you could have a miscarriage!
♥ I lost my baby at 39 weeks, it can happen to anybody!
♥My sisters uncles cousins dogs grandmother died during labor, it can happen to anyone.
♥My neighbors brothers sisters step-niece had a still born, it can happen to anyone.
♥You should make sure to request all of these expensive tests your insurance doesn't cover because your baby might have tourettes!
♥I read that 2% of women who are four weeks pass due for delivery die.
I'm sure I could go on forever with examples of things people say to me that makes me want to slap them in the head. To make it more simple, here are 5 very clear rules on what kind of things not to say to a pregnant woman.
1. Don't scare us with pointless horror stories.
2. Don't use stupid statistics that don't apply to us, but still scare the crap out of us.
3. Don't EVER talk about defects, genetic disorders, miscarriage, still borns, or any kind of fetal or child death or danger.
4. Be sensitive to the fact that our bodies are ballooning out of control and that there is enough grease on our faces to fry bacon, we are sensitive about it.
5.If you upset the overly sensitive us without intention, don't keep pushing, just apologize, and maybe rephrase the statement, but don't continue talking about the matter, because it will probably continue to upset us.
Thanks for tuning in.
Just the Basics.
This is my new blog about my journey though pregnancy. I have had the idea in my head to start a blog like this for some time now. As I am entering my 15th week, and feeling more confident, I think it's time to share my limited, but ever growing, knowledge about this precious life experience.
This blog isn't intended to be precious and adorable, because, let's face it, pregnancy is a messy, weird, scary, and fun thing. I hope to share some things that no one ever told you before (Because no one ever told me) I'm not here to be shy, and I hope nothing I post comes off as inappropriate, it is intended to be not only informative, but funny, and entertaining.
Before I start, I should probably tell you a little about me. My husband and I have wanted a baby for some time. We have been married for two years, and had dated for two years before we married. One of the first things we learned about each other is that we both wanted to have children, and a big family of our own. We started trying for children shortly after we married, and every passing month that we weren't on our way to our happy family was heart shattering for me. It probably sounds silly, but after a year and a half, I started to feel as though we would never realize our dream.
Obviously, things work out, because here we are. Now that I'm pregnant I thank my Father in heaven everyday. I'm the creep that tells my stomach how much I love it, and get teary eyed thinking about this miracle growing inside me.
So that's the tender part... the other side of me is whiny, annoying, and CRAZY overly careful about EVERYTHING!! I drive my mother crazy because I'm the woman who googles about every random gas, or stretching pain. I tell my doctor about every stupid little thing, and I won't eat ANYTHING if I might have read somewhere that it might possibly be bad for the baby. A good majority of my sentences end with "I dunno, I don't think that's good for the baby." I haven't touched a drop of caffeine since I saw those blessed pink lines, and I even have my own handheld Doppler so we can listen to the heartbeat occasionally.
Now I can only hope that as I share my thoughts, experiences, and the things I learned from Google, that veteran moms, new moms, not moms, and anyone else who stumbles across this blog can laugh along with me, and maybe learn something they didn't know. If anyone has any new advice to share, or a question about anything, send those thoughts my way. I would love to share any new advice, and to blog about what I know about any new questions.
This blog isn't intended to be precious and adorable, because, let's face it, pregnancy is a messy, weird, scary, and fun thing. I hope to share some things that no one ever told you before (Because no one ever told me) I'm not here to be shy, and I hope nothing I post comes off as inappropriate, it is intended to be not only informative, but funny, and entertaining.
Before I start, I should probably tell you a little about me. My husband and I have wanted a baby for some time. We have been married for two years, and had dated for two years before we married. One of the first things we learned about each other is that we both wanted to have children, and a big family of our own. We started trying for children shortly after we married, and every passing month that we weren't on our way to our happy family was heart shattering for me. It probably sounds silly, but after a year and a half, I started to feel as though we would never realize our dream.
Obviously, things work out, because here we are. Now that I'm pregnant I thank my Father in heaven everyday. I'm the creep that tells my stomach how much I love it, and get teary eyed thinking about this miracle growing inside me.
So that's the tender part... the other side of me is whiny, annoying, and CRAZY overly careful about EVERYTHING!! I drive my mother crazy because I'm the woman who googles about every random gas, or stretching pain. I tell my doctor about every stupid little thing, and I won't eat ANYTHING if I might have read somewhere that it might possibly be bad for the baby. A good majority of my sentences end with "I dunno, I don't think that's good for the baby." I haven't touched a drop of caffeine since I saw those blessed pink lines, and I even have my own handheld Doppler so we can listen to the heartbeat occasionally.
Now I can only hope that as I share my thoughts, experiences, and the things I learned from Google, that veteran moms, new moms, not moms, and anyone else who stumbles across this blog can laugh along with me, and maybe learn something they didn't know. If anyone has any new advice to share, or a question about anything, send those thoughts my way. I would love to share any new advice, and to blog about what I know about any new questions.
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