Rules About Advice

Okay, now that I have told you about myself, and set the mood for the blog a little. Here is my first rant:

 It's not a secret to me, or anyone else, that I'm a bit of a crazed pregnant woman. I tend to get a little frantic sometimes, and I often call my mother, or post on Facebook, or maybe ask a random stranger for some advice on a subject. (After I have googled it, of course.) After having several different answers to pleas for advice, here are my rules on giving advice to expectant mothers. These rules also go for posting an answer to a question online.

Helpful answers to advice:
◊Someone I know had that same thing, it was just (blah blah) it's nothing to worry about.
◊Oh, someone I know had this, it's a good idea for you to call your doctor.
◊ Huh, I've never heard of that, if you're worried, call your doctor.
◊ That's pretty common in pregnancy, don't worry about it.

Now here are things that you should NEVER EVER say to a pregnant woman when she asks for advice:
♦Oh yeah, I know Soandso who had that, and it was no big deal, but I did hear about this ONE lady who had it and her toes fell off and her heart exploded and the baby died! (If it's probably nothing to worry about, don't tell me about the one case something bad happened.)
♦Uh oh! You're having that symptom, that's so bad, you need to go to the emergency room RIGHT NOW! (It's never okay to put a mother in panic. There are gentle ways to express danger.)
♦Huh, I don't know anything about your current ailment, but I do know this one woman who had this different ailment and her baby was born with one leg and a cleft palate!(I don't want to know your horror stories, they give me anxiety)

Here are just some things you should never say to a pregnant woman PERIOD:
♥Your terrible acne means its a (insert gender here)
♥Are you constipated, or do you have hemorrhoids yet?
♥Wow, you must be having twins!
♥Oh I heard that you aren't supposed to eat meat, smell flowers, look at honey, think about seafood, or have dreams about salad, because it can cause miscarriage or horrible birth defects!
♥How is your sex life now that you're getting bigger?
♥MY husband would rub my feet, my back, buy me candy bars, and sing me sonatas everyday. That's what all GOOD men should do for their pregnant wives.
♥I can't believe you would carry that heavy purse now that you're pregnant, you could have a miscarriage!
♥ I lost my baby at 39 weeks, it can happen to anybody!
♥My sisters uncles cousins dogs grandmother died during labor, it can happen to anyone.
♥My neighbors brothers sisters step-niece had a still born, it can happen to anyone.
♥You should make sure to request all of these expensive tests your insurance doesn't cover because your baby might have tourettes!
♥I read that 2% of women who are four weeks pass due for delivery die.

I'm sure I could go on forever with examples of things people say to me that makes me want to slap them in the head. To make it more simple, here are 5 very clear rules on what kind of things not to say to a pregnant woman.

1. Don't scare us with pointless horror stories.
2. Don't use stupid statistics that don't apply to us, but still scare the crap out of us.
3. Don't EVER talk about defects, genetic disorders, miscarriage, still borns, or any kind of fetal or child death or danger.
4. Be sensitive to the fact that our bodies are ballooning out of control and that there is enough grease on our faces to fry bacon, we are sensitive about it.
5.If you upset the overly sensitive us without intention, don't keep pushing, just apologize, and maybe rephrase the statement, but don't continue talking about the matter, because it will probably continue to upset us.

Thanks for tuning in.