Even though I was easily cured, I still had an emotional battle. My husband and I tried for a baby for about a year before I finally consulted my doctor. I went for my yearly and expressed my concerns, and symptoms to the PA that was in charge of my check up. All she offered me was a round of birth control to get me back on track. That, however, wasn't an option for me. About six month previous to this doctors visit, I was diagnosed with a small tumor on my liver. When Jordan and I first married, I elected to be on the pill for a short while, that time was shorter than even planned. I had a horrible reaction to the pills and stopped taking them after a month. My surgeon suggested that my the small tumor was part of my bad reaction to my short bout with birth control. We have been trying for baby ever since.
After telling my PA that I didn't dare risk birth control again, she pretty much said... well... tough, guess you aren't getting pregnant. It was the only option I was given. After this emotional experience I was very distraught, and bitter. I felt that I would never get pregnant and it was all the doctors faults, they were stupid, and didn't care to help me. It was close to another year later that my mom finally convinced me to go back to see the DOCTOR, not one of his confused PA's. I did, and he was much more helpful, and a month after my visit to him, we were expecting.
My point in telling all of this is, a few days ago, I stumbled across the blog of a woman who had recently had a battle with infertility, unfortunately for this woman, she had to have in vitro fertilization to have any hope of becoming a mother. She went through two failed attempts, and finally on her third, she was blessed to see those coveted little pink lines.
In her blog she talked about how, even though she was finally able to realize her dream, she wanted to remain sensitive to those who were still struggling with infertility. She had made a list of what she planned on doing to remain sensitive, this list included:
I can tell you that, even though my battle was only a short two years in comparison to others, I was bitter and angry with other pregnant women, not because they were sharing their happiness, but because I was jealous, and all I wanted was to be able to share similar joys with them. Every time I saw a sonogram from someone else, It just made the desire stronger. While I do agree with the last two bullets to an extent. Not everything in the world needs to be about your pregnancy, for the first few weeks, that's hard, but eventually excitement becomes controllable. Also, being supportive and conscientious of those who are struggling with infertility should be practiced by everyone, not just those who have had the same struggles.
The other bullets of this list make me feel sad for this woman. Where is the joy with not being able to share you photos on facebook? I know that I have family all over this country that I want to share these memories with, and that's what I use facebook for. Also, I'm not sure I would want someone on my friends list that made me feel like I couldn't be excited about this. The nickname thing... really? Now that's just silly. Can I not give my dog a cute nickname either?
Here is my own list for being sensitive to those who are struggling with infertility, just a few things that in REALITY, might hurt a struggling mommy's feelings.
♥Don't brag to the world about how fertile you are, that's just gross.
♥Don't act like it's some sort of disease. It's appropriate to ask if they are doing okay, but condolences or pitty are unnecessary.
♥Don't walk on eggshells. It's okay to be happy about your baby, that's what these women want too, just don't rub it in their face that you're preggo and they aren't.
There, three easy rules, don't be gross, don't be awkward, and don't hide your joy. Infertility is a very touchy subject, it's heartbreaking to the one who is struggling, but it's still not fair to ever ask anyone to stop being happy and sharing their joy, just because you're struggling. It still is a two act play. Those who aren't engaged in the battles do need to be aware of those who are fighting, and do what they can to NOT hurt their feelings, but on the other side, those who are struggling need to understand that the world doesn't revolve around their trials. I understand the need to feel bitter, and to cry it out sometimes, so go ahead and do it, it just might help, but don't ask me to be miserable with you.
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